Have you ever wondered if mommy guilt is getting in the way of your parenting? If you have, then it’s time together we learn how to prevent mommy guilt from getting in the way of us being the best mom version of us.
How To Prevent Mommy Guilt From Getting In The Way Of Your Parenting
I will be the first to admit that I am full of mommy guilt. I’m constantly fighting with myself not to feel guilty about not having dinner ready on time or letting them watch television for more than an hour, putting the girls to bed early, and the list goes on and on. That’s when I realized that I was filled with mommy guilt and it was time that I stopped being so hard on myself.
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How Do You Know If You Suffer From Mommy Guilt?
This might be different for you, but for me, I began getting angry at my children and husband when I wanted to do something for myself, but then canceled. I would blame them for not being able to have my time, but in reality, it was the fact that I was feeling guilty of doing something for or by myself without them. In fact, my husband often encourages me to do things for myself, but I always make excuses for why I can’t.
Here are some questions you might ask yourself to help you determine if you suffer from mom guilt.
- Do you look at what other mothers are doing and feel shame that you aren’t able to do those same things?
- Have you spent time wishing you were a better mother just because another child had a different situation than yours?
- Do you plan YOU time and then end up not following thru?
- Do you feel sad when you want to work or have to work, but have your family in the back of your mind?
- Are you not pursuing dreams and goals after motherhood?
- Are you putting your family before your self-care?
- Do you cancel work trips or trips with friends to stay home?
If you have done any of these, then mommy guilt has been getting in the way of you being the best version of you. Feeling guilty can become a reflex and It’s time that we learn how to prevent mommy guilt from getting in the way of our parenting.
Take In How Your Children View You As Their Mom
One sure fire way to get rid of mommy guilt is to listen to your children. Find out what they see in you, and how they feel about what you are doing. Your children only see the loving and amazing parent that you are. Even at our lowest our children only see how amazing we are and everything that we do for them. Even if they don’t know how to express it all the time.
One of the ways that I’ve found out how my girls view me is by paying attention to the little details. When they try to mimic something I do or when Megan Trainor’s song “Mom” comes on and the girls are singing it loud for me to hear! Now, that tells me that in their eyes I’m doing a pretty darn good job!
Stop Comparing Yourself To Other Moms
It’s hard not fall into the trap of comparisons, and it is vital to yourself to get rid of and prevent mommy guilt that you stop comparing yourself to others. This means you will stop thinking, “I wish I had time for…”, or “If only I could…” all the time. Your children need the mother they have, not the fantasy you wish you could be. In fact, you probably are that fantasy you wish you could be, you’re just not allowing yourself to fully become it. I know that I stop myself from being the best me and from being the mom I know I am.
Lately, I’ve been trying to be mindful when something goes wrong not to think “if only”. My family is my family for a reason and your family is yours for a reason. It’s not always greener on the other side, no matter how many times we think it is. Comparing ourselves to other moms creates a void inside of us. It brings up feelings of not good enough, negativity, and honestly, it allows us not to cherish what we do have. Starting with the love of our family.
Turn Off Social Media
Social media is a wonderful place to connect and share things with friends and family, but it can also become the very source of your mommy guilt. To prevent guilt from getting in the way of your parenting, focus more on your family by turning off social media. This doesn’t mean you have to deactivate your accounts, but perhaps remove the apps from your phone so you aren’t getting constant notifications that lead you to feel inferior. Believe me, I know! Social media is my way of life, it’s the bulk of my work, but stopping notifications can make a big difference.
Set time aside, later on, to go on social media. Maybe early in the morning before the kids are up and later in the evening once they are in bed. This way, you don’t have to worry about giving your time to your phone rather than your family. Try it, it will make a huge difference!
Setting Smaller Goals To Avoid Overwhelming Yourself
If part of your mommy guilt is not reaching goals, then begin with small things and reach toward them gradually. This works great with things like getting the laundry done, spending more one on one time with your children individually, or even losing weight. Smaller goals are easier to manage and will make it simple for you to focus and feel like you have accomplished something.
I’ve recently started making a list of my daily goals and monthly goals. This helps keep me organized and not overwhelming myself in tasks that need to get accomplished. Believe me, it’s not always perfect, but what I’ve noticed is that I don’t stress as much when I see the plan in front of me. When I concentrate on completing one task at a time.
Accept That You Are Doing Your Best
At the end of the day, you have to simply accept you cannot do everything and you most definitely can’t do everything on your own. You can do what you are able for your children, and love them to the best of your ability. Doing so is your ultimate best, and that is all that is truly important.
In today’s society of constant comparisons, it is tough to get past the mommy guilt that often gets in the way of parenting your children. Focus less on the outside and more on what is happening inside your home and family.
Make Time For Yourself
Yes, I said it! You have to make time for yourself and take care of you. I’m talking from every angle possible. Self-help, emotionally, physically, nutrition-wise, and even mentally. If we are not taking care of our well being, then how are we suppose to be the best version of our mom self? The truth is, that we can’t. Haven’t you heard, “Happy Mom, Happy Life”? It’s not “Happy Children, Happy Mom”. Yes, our children are everything to us, but if we would take care of our child while she or he is sick, then why wouldn’t we take care of ourselves the same way?
Here are some ideas to get you started and check out my Relaxation Tips for Moms:
- Read a book
- Take a bath and soak in it for a while
- Get a message
- Get a pedicure
- Go out for coffee with a friend (a positive friend)
- Listen to a podcast that is uplifting
- Journaling your feelings
- Prayer or meditation
I hope you join me on this journey in living a life of guilt-free with our children and family! To always know that as moms we do the best we can while learning on the way! Let’s counteract the mom guilt with I am an amazing mom and my children are loved!
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Are you going to join me in becoming the best mom version of you?